26 are we having fun yet?

should i delete my social media until everyone is back from vacation?

unless you think hanging out behind the DJ booth at DC10 with jeff bezos is actually cool, probably not.

according to today, you have failed in life if you’re not able to take a 4 week vacation during august.

but we don’t know who’s paying for the boat, the dinner, the villa and what the arrangements are behind the scenes. someone is currently mad that the rest of the group never offered to pitch in for that 90 euro uber van ride at 3am. the other group was stuck for an hour trying to even secure a car home. the rental car had a million hidden fees that were not as advertised, we missed the exit of the highway and drove in passive aggressive silence for 30 minutes trying to get back on the right track but the car navigation was slow and kept spinning in a circle. the club is packed but nobody is dancing. what looks like a lively party through the screen is actually trying to run into the valentino pr to secure a show invite for september in the bathroom, or courreges, or balenciaga. there are loaned outfits for club nights. you don’t know that it took 1 hour of begging and intense trying to get eye contact with that one promoter to get behind the DJ booth for that one instagram story. the miserable boyfriend that gets silence treatment after he didn’t get the perfect in the moment shot of the pucci outfit that she bought for that one overpriced jondal lunch. how come we do not know a single person with a yacht? what is wrong with us? i would never put a mini kelly on my head while taking a tequila shot like the americans who made europe summer their new personality, but i need at least a picture of the calder statue by the colombe d’or to signal that i am in the know. actually south of france is so overrated, we are at a secret beach in croatia. you didn’t get the prada summer gifting bucket hat? i hope at least chanel sent you their summer reads. couples summer vacations that feel like white lotus and everyone is focusing on the other couples problems instead of their own, but the peaches in naxos do look perfect. the rimowas on the frecciarossa got stolen and so did the rolexes in napoli but we eat the perfect tiramisu every day without gaining weight. there are competitions in wealth, the bigger yacht, the exclusive dinner reservation, and in coolness, we’re sitting on tiny towels on uncomfortable rocks by marseille. no one is posting their mosquito bites and food poisoning from the newest hyped natural wine place with obscure seafood. everyone can magically afford to stay at il pellicano, roche rouges and mezzatore. wait, you’re not coming to capri? but you’ll be in deià right? they post the sunrise pilates but not the sunset cocaine. juice cleanse and mushroom chocolate, my body is a temple. venmo me later. if you have a following, you’re a yacht girl, if you don’t, you’re a working girl, but if you date the yacht owner 20 years your senior, it’s love. our summer pyjamas are from schostal and the beach towel is hermes but spending 900 dollars on the row flip flops is a totally different thing. we won’t post about getting robbed in the ibiza house and the police being in on it, but you really missed out at circoloco. the friend that promises to get the next round but somehow the atm won’t ever accept their card. cruise ships are horrible for the environment but our friend’s 4 story boat is actually not the same because they are holding these climate change summits on it, think of it like a think tank but for millionaires. this and a monumental blow up fight with the entire family in front of the colosseum. nothing beats carrying your suitcases up to the positano airbnb and the keybox not opening as a treat at the end. somehow you’re supposed to know exactly which is the week to be in italy, france and greece, this must be intuition and not months of planning. nobody in this world has razor bumps or sunburns. but what we know is you definitely didn’t have a summer if you don’t make it to closing weekend, everyone will be there!

i thought, do we really need another think piece about people’s highlight reel posts? surely we’re aware that everything is not as it seems by now? but looking at the perfectly curated captionless stories without locations, you must recognise and decode the countries by the shade of rock btw, i couldn’t help but wonder if we need a child lock on our phones this summer.